yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
