Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
