Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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