i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
