Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
