Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
