I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
