Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I party with great urgency now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
