You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
