are you still at the devil's house?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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