I heard we made out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
