I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
