I want to stick my p in your. b.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
