We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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