I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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