Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
People in love make me want to vomit
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
