woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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