she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
