He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
