Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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