Do you still have your period?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
