he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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