Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
