I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
