i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
