he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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