You can't motorboat a personality
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you would pick up someone in the library
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
