Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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