also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
