I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
