If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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