So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
