he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
