Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
