Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
