i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
