i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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