put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
