It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
