is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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