Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
