i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
