I can tuck mytits in my pants
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize