we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
