Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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