If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I didn't notice because vodka
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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