she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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