Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
