We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
