uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
