I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
