Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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