guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
