Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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