After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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