Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
