You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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