You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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