I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize