i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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