ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
