I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
