The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
