I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
