Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
