im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
